Imagination inspires M&M Eugenics. Future sport?

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.

The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.

Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.

I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

-From the best of craigslist


At April 28, 2008 at 7:52 PM , Blogger kuh reel yuh said...

I love it!

At April 30, 2008 at 10:59 PM , Anonymous Misha Fair said...

This is FANTASTIC!!! They should open a school for competitive m&m's that wish to be true champions! I'm all about competitive candy games :)

At June 4, 2012 at 11:16 AM , Anonymous sports handicapping services said...

can not miss are delicious

At July 15, 2016 at 12:33 AM , Blogger Zheng junxai5 said...

louis vuitton outlet
nike air huarache
fitflop shoes
giuseppe zanotti outlet
true religion outlet
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
jordan concords
replica rolex watches
beats by dre outlet
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet clearance
supra footwear
ray bans
michael kors outlet online
air jordan shoes
hollister clothing
adidas superstar trainers
north face jackets
gucci belts
louis vuitton
ed hardy outlet
nike store
abercrombie and fitch
louis vuitton outlet
nike roshe run mens
oakley outlet
fit flops
nike blazers uk
discount jordans
louis vuitton purses
nike free uk
true religion outlet
toms shoes
air jordan shoes
oakley outlet
coach factory outlet
michael kors
michael kors outlet online
coach factory outlet


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home